Sorry I’m Not a Trainwreck – Learn to be Inspired by Others Rather than Intimidated
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I often feel as though people would like me more if I gained a lot of weight, drank more, cursed more, screamed at my kids, cheated on my husband, and was just an all-around disaster – whatever it would take for me to not seem “perfect,” thus making me more relatable in their eyes.
To those people, I say, “I’m sorry I’m not a trainwreck.”
First of all, I am NOT perfect, and no one is, but it does leave me wondering if misery really does love company that much. I feel like there are so many people who want to surround themselves with people they see as beneath them to make themselves feel better.
You’re unhappy about your weight? Get a friend who is twice your size and you’ll feel better. Feel as though your marriage is failing? Find a friend in a more abusive relationship than you and you’ll feel better. Suffering with an alcohol addiction? Make friends with someone who has an alcohol AND drug problem and you’ll feel better.
But in the end what would that accomplish? Sure, I guess it’s a good ego boost to be able to say that at least you’re not as sad and pathetic as so-and-so.
But what true benefit would there be in surrounding yourself with people who are beneath you just to make yourself look good?
How will you grow as a person when you never leave your comfort zone or seek to be around people who may intimidate you?
As children we are taught to choose our friends wisely and to associate with the right crowd. My dad always said that if we hung out with the problem kids, we would become the problem kids – that we were not likely to bring them up, but that far more often we would find ourselves being dragged down, sinking to their level.
This is not a concept that is to be forgotten as an adult.
I try to surround myself with good influences, with people I respect and admire, people who will make me want to be better. And this includes sometimes surrounding myself with people whom I find intimidating, but I think it is so important to let this lead to admiration rather than jealousy.
We also have to remember that oftentimes the people who seem perfect are actually far from it. Our perception is not always reality. Just because someone seems to have it all together does not mean that is the case at all. The point is how they treat you. Do they challenge and support you, or do they enable you and celebrate your weakness?
Jealousy and insecurity are so dangerous, and comparing ourselves to others is such a slippery slope. Comparison can either lead us to feel inadequate and like we’ve failed, even when we haven’t, or it will give us an often false sense of accomplishment, telling ourselves that “at least I’m not as bad as they are,” when really we also need to improve and do better. It can stunt our growth in making us think we are fine when we in fact are not.
Life is not about comparing ourselves to others – it’s about being the best version of ourselves that we can be.
We shouldn’t fool ourselves into thinking that we don’t need to change because we’re better than someone else, but we also shouldn’t be intimidated and dwell on feelings of inadequacy when someone seems to be better at something. We should instead feel inspired to learn from those who have mastered something or “have it all together.”
If there is someone you know who seems “perfect” in a certain respect, rather than be intimidated that you’ll never be as good as they are at that particular thing, instead learn from them. Look to what they do. Ask them questions. Do not let yourself be crippled by your own self-doubts when you could instead treat it as a learning opportunity.
If they can do it, SO CAN YOU!
There are many people I admire greatly and I try to learn from them and emulate the things I have seen bring success in their lives. I also feel as though there are areas of my life where I have achieved success, and I often feel judged by others for this fact. Again, I am NOT perfect, but there are at least a few areas where I have succeeded, and I do not want to be made to feel as though I need to apologize for it.
I want to be available to help anyone out there who may feel as though they can glean some wisdom from me. It‘s a large part of why I was excited to begin this blog. I do not want people to feel as though I am perfect or unapproachable or like they’ll never be as together as I am. I never want to intimidate anyone, though it is a dream of mine to inspire in whatever small way I can.
I am also aware of constantly trying to grow as a person myself. I will never have it all figured out, but I will continue to do my best and look to those who have figured certain things out. I feel like there is no one right way to do anything, and there are so many amazing people to look to in this world for inspiration to be better.
Don‘t allow insecurity to get in the way of you constantly bettering yourself. Look to surround yourself with good people who will motivate, inspire, and support you through your journey, and you are far more likely to achieve whatever success you are seeking.
~ Jennifer ~
