When Did Getting Offended Become a Badge of Honor?
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We live in a world where just about everything can be offensive. We are being conditioned to walk on eggshells, be politically correct, and avoid offending at all costs.
Every day the news informs us of things that have become “offensive” and schools us on the newest thing that we can no longer say or do.
Many people seem to regard getting offended as a badge of honor that they wear proudly.
It is a status symbol to show how much they care – that if they don’t make it known how deeply offended they are about something, getting all up in arms, it somehow shows that they lack heart or conviction.
People seem to think they need to speak out and be offended to expose the wrongdoings of others, but I would argue that getting offended is a personal choice that really has very little to do with the actions of others.
It is not possible to offend someone who hasn’t made the conscious choice to be offended.
People saying stupid things is nothing new, and it’s never going to end. Disagreeing with each other is never going to stop.
There will ALWAYS be something that we can be offended by if we want to give that power to other people. It is therefore up to us to rise above, to let it flow in one ear and out the other.
The first huge problem with being easily offended is that it almost always requires the assumption of someone’s intent. In this way, I would say that people who are easily offended are in fact quite judgmental.
They often take simple remarks, or jokes even, and assign ill intentions to the “offender,” when they have no way of knowing what that person meant, what is truly in their heart.
They often even go beyond assuming intent and begin to draw conclusions about the offender’s character, painting them as racist, homophobic, xenophobic, unintelligent, etc, etc. It is nearly impossible to draw such broad conclusions about people, especially based on one comment or conversation, yet that is exactly what the easily offended often do.
Even when people say and do things that could be deemed as blatantly offensive, it does not mean that they had any awareness of how their actions could be perceived. There are so many people with good hearts and intentions that sometimes just don’t realize the way their words or actions may make other people feel.
Now, for the sake of playing devil’s advocate, let’s say that someone does blatantly seek to offend. They know full well what their actions will imply, how it will make the person feel, and they say or do it anyway. Surely then getting offended would be completely justified, right?
Even then, I would argue this is where we can simply choose forgiveness. We can turn a blind eye to hatred from other people and not allow it to steal our joy.
Because guess what? The kind of person who goes around blatantly attacking people, being offensive, someone who is a BAD person – they DO NOT CARE that you are offended, so holding on to upset and feelings of offense really only hurts you.
The way I see it, being easily offended comes from either being insecure or vain – and I don’t want to be either!
People who are insecure tend to personalize things. There may be something about themselves that they don’t like, that they feel insecure about, so if something is said on the subject, they automatically assume this is being said as a personal dig against them. They also may draw very broad assumptions on what the person “meant” by their comment as it relates to the insecurity, when in fact one has nothing to do with the other.
They seek to paint the offender as the person who is wrong and insensitive, when in fact that person probably had no idea the comment would cause offense. We have to be careful not to allow our insecurities to lead us to personalize everything, when people just make general conversation that has NOTHING to do with us.
I understand that it is sometimes easier for people to just paint the other person as evil, as offensive, rather than having to look at the underlying reasons of WHY they are being so sensitive and reacting so strongly to comments from other people.
People can say and do whatever they want, but no one can MAKE US FEEL a certain way. Our feelings and reactions are completely within our control, so getting offended truly has NOTHING to do with the actions of others.
The other reason that I believe people are easily offended is because of their vanity or narcissism. People feel as though they deserve better treatment than what they are receiving, and thus they set themselves up to be offended and disappointed when people don’t live up to their unreasonable standards.
The narcissist will believe the world revolves around them, and this will inevitably set them up to be constantly disappointed and offended.
However, if someone is constantly offended, the only person they are truly hurting is themselves.
I have forever told people that I do not get offended – at anything – and it is because I have chosen not to get offended, not to personalize things that other people say and do. Like I said, there are always people saying and doing stupid and insensitive things, and it’s not as if I don’t see it, but I just choose to ignore it.
I disagree with people all the time. And I of course even at times think that people are complete idiots. However, I do NOT feel the need to fix or correct these people. I do NOT make it a point to tell them how much they offended me.
I simply try not to surround myself with people like this on a regular basis. But, if a moment presents where someone says something I blatantly disagree with, or even that could be somewhat offensive, I just choose to ignore it rather than give them the power to affect me.
I want to have thick skin and not be regarded as some delicate little snowflake who people need to walk on eggshells around in fear of offending me. I want to have confidence in who I am, boldness in what I believe in, and thus never give someone else the power to deeply offend me with their words or actions.
Now, I am not saying that there is never a time where I would of course go to someone who has hurt me, particularly if it is someone I am close to, but this should be done in moments of true wrongdoing, not because of something I perceive as offensive and I want to fix them.
I always ask myself if there is a true need to inform a person of an offense. Were they intending to be hurtful and thus I should talk to them about it, or is it only my pride in needing to be right that I need to let them know how wrong they are?
I also like to just straight up give people the benefit of the doubt, and I would hope that others would do the same for me. I know that there have been times I have offended, been ignorant about something, or put my foot in my mouth; in fact, it has happened WAY more than I would like to admit.
However, in those moments, I hope that those who know me also see my character, know that I would NEVER intentionally hurt anyone, and will therefore cut me some slack.
Those who choose to hang on to hurts and offenses are only damaging themselves. What is anyone really trying to accomplish by expressing how offended they are? I would challenge them to look within themselves to see the true cause of the offense as perhaps being something within them – having nothing to do with the other person – and maybe they can start to let some of the hurt go, to let themselves off the hook.
My choice to not let people offend me has served me well. There is peace in just not taking yourself or others too seriously. We can and should disagree. Life would be pretty boring if there were never opposing views. I can appreciate a good debate and can appreciate opinions different from my own, but I will never let the opinions of others steal my peace and joy.
Life is just too short to spend it being constantly offended and negatively affected by others when there are so many beautiful things in the world to focus on instead.
~ Jennifer ~
