When Did “Virgin” Become a 4-Letter Word?
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I have a guilty pleasure. I’ll admit it. I enjoy watching The Bachelor and have for many years. Trust me, I am fully aware of how ridiculous the whole premise is. I realize that most people are not “there for the right reasons,” and the show’s track record for producing actual marriages is not the best.
I know all of this… and that is why it is a guilty pleasure.
But despite all of the problems with the show, I generally find it entertaining, and I am always cheering for the possibility of a happy ending (as unlikely as it may be). The romantic in me is always hopeful that each season will end with an eventual marriage where they will live happily ever after.
Because ABC knows that most people are like me in this hope, they are careful to cast their leading man as someone people will believe is ready to get married – one who is there for the proverbial “right reasons.”
However, this year their choice to name Colton Underwood as The Bachelor turned out to be a rather polarizing decision, mainly because Colton is a virgin. GASP! But what I want to know is – when did “virgin” become a 4-letter word?
It was the very fact that he was a virgin that made me particularly excited to watch this season. I appreciated the fact that this good-looking athlete, who I’m sure has undoubtedly had MANY opportunities where he could have had sex, instead chose to remain a virgin until the age of 26.
It was because of how much I truly respected him that I was especially excited to see him as the leading man, and why I was so hopeful that he would find a woman worthy of his greatness.
However, I quickly learned that many people did not share in my love for Colton and the show’s decision to name him as The Bachelor. Though there were several reasons for this, his virginity seemed to be at the forefront of people’s disapproval.
People said that there was no way that a man who was a virgin could possibly be ready to get married.
One woman on the show even voiced this same concern on the very first night. I am of course paraphrasing, but she basically likened his virginity to someone who had never had a cupcake. She said that once someone finally had a cupcake, how could they ever be content with only trying one kind? She argued that, though you might love a vanilla cupcake, you also need to try chocolate, strawberry, and so many others before you can truly know what you like best.
Therefore, she concluded that Colton couldn’t possibly be ready to get married since apparently there was still so much cupcake sampling that needed to happen first.
So, let’s continue with her logic…
Let’s look at the person who does sample all of the cupcakes they can get their hands on. What if after trying all the different cupcakes, this person decides that chocolate is their favorite overall? Would they truly be able to commit to having only chocolate cupcakes for the rest of their life and remain content? Would they never reminisce about what it was like to have vanilla and desire that again?
Awareness brings desire.
To those who think a virgin could never be ready for marriage, what is the basis of their concern? Why do they regard this as so crazy and unacceptable?
What if Colton was to actually marry the first and only woman he had ever slept with. What if someone does only ever have the chocolate cupcake?
Do people doubt that he would be satisfied with this same flavor forever? Sure, he may be missing out on something better, but how would he know? After all, he would not be dwelling on the fact that he missed vanilla, desiring it again, because he would have no awareness of it in the first place.
If you only have ever have one cupcake, then it’s no longer a question of whether you like chocolate or vanilla; it’s just a question of whether you like cupcakes. It is impossible to crave or desire something you have no awareness of.
Not knowing that there might be something better out there would actually lead a person to be more content and satisfied, because again, awareness creates desire. Therefore, lack of awareness means the desire will never manifest. There is truth in the saying that ignorance is bliss.
Now I know that many people will say that it’s unacceptable to be satisfied sexually in your marriage only because you don’t know of better. The general population will make us feel as though we need to have multiple partners in life to be sure that the one we ultimately choose is good for us.
But I say, where do we draw the line with this logic? Must we experience every carnal desire known to man so that we may discern which ones we desire to continue to experience and which ones we can live without?
We are taught not to do drugs, though there must be something appealing about them for so many people to desire them and become addicted. Should we therefore try every drug in order to create awareness so that we can make an informed decision about which ones are worthwhile and which ones are not?
Most of us know to stay away from drugs and know that whatever high might be obtained is not worth it – and we know this even without personally experiencing each drug.
I would argue that having many sexual partners just to have had the high, the experience, is also not worth it in the end. And before someone criticizes that doing drugs is not the same since drugs can kill you, to them I have one word – STD. It is no secret that each sexual partner also poses risks, possibly even fatal risks.
We have to subdue our flesh and know that carnal pleasures in the here and now will never bring long-term happiness.
Studies have shown that the more sexual partners a person has had in their lifetime, the less sexually satisfied they tend to be with their spouse. And it’s pretty easy to see how this could happen…
This is because THEY REMEMBER ALL THE OTHER CUPCAKES!!! Sometimes the cupcake a person has chosen is not as good as one they have had before, and they find themselves longing for what they once had.
So, tell me, does this make it worth it to have sown wild oats – to have sampled all the cupcakes?
Was it a good decision to have created awareness and had experiences with so many different people, only to end up being dissatisfied with your marriage?
Was the fleeting moment of being able to enjoy something worth the lifetime to follow where you will be missing it, where you will be left feeling unsatisfied that you no longer have that thing?
What is the true goal here?
If we want to live as carnal beings and never deny our flesh, there will be momentary pleasures to be had – fleeting highs that will fade with time. However, if the ultimate goal is a happy marriage, a healthy and content sex life, then being promiscuous and sowing wild oats before marriage will not get us there!
I applaud Colton for his choice to not sleep around throughout his 20s like many athletes do. I appreciate his restraint and self-control, and I wish more people were praising him rather than condemning him. It breaks my heart to hear him speak of how he has been teased and laughed at.
But I also know that despite his many haters, Colton has made wise choices that will likely lead to him one day having a happy marriage (whether it comes from the show or not), so the last laugh will belong to him!
~ Jennifer ~
