Why Do We Diminish Childlike Faith?
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It has always been my plan to have my children attend public elementary school and then switch to homeschooling for middle and high school. So, with my daughter about to begin fifth grade, this will be it for her in public school. While she is excited to homeschool, she of course knows that she will miss having a classroom with friends.
About a month ago, she was talking to me about how she really hoped she had at least one of her two best friends in her class since that would just mean so much to her for her final year.
My response was simple – I told her to pray and ask that God do this for her, and I had complete faith in that moment that He would do this for my sweet girl.
As time went on, my daughter then began talking about specific teachers she really wanted, with one in particular, and how she really hoped that she would have BOTH of her best friends in her class.
As the list of wishes grew, I of course became skeptical. After all, I almost never got one of my best friends in my class in elementary school – let alone two! Also, there are six different teachers, so statistically the odds weren’t good.
This is when I began to tell her that she might not get ALL of what she was hoping and praying for. I was basically saying, in not so many words, that she just needed to stick to the original prayer of having the one friend. This was just a more realistic expectation…
Fast forward to the day that we knew the teacher assignment letters would be arriving in the mail. My daughter woke up to tell me that she had had a dream the night before that she got her first pick of teachers and had both of her best friends in her class.
My response was basically to tell her that that was such a nice dream, but that she should not get her hopes up because it was so unlikely that she would get all of that.
We then went to the community pool where the other two little girls were there with their letters, as ours had not yet arrived. They unwrapped them to reveal that they had each gotten the teacher from my daughter’s dream. They were so excited, and my daughter exclaimed, “It’s just like my dream!”
I could see her hope building, so again I warned that, while it was wonderful that she was happy for her friends and that they got to be together, she should not get her hopes up of also being in the same class.
We then went home to find our own letter in the mailbox. As my daughter unfolded the paper, she began jumping up and down proclaiming that she, too, had gotten that teacher. I was shocked. I was SO excited for her, but I also couldn’t believe it had actually happened exactly like she had prayed and dreamed.
It was then that I began to question myself. Why was I so shocked about this outcome? I have raised my children to go to God when they have problems or desires, and I had specifically told her to pray about this particular thing.
So then, why when God answered her prayer was I surprised?
And better yet, why had I been so cynical in trying to discourage her every step of the way of how unlikely all of these things were?
I hadn’t realized I was being such a skeptic in any one moment, but when I considered the compilation of the conversations we had had on this topic, I realized that each and every time I was there being the voice of reason, the cynic, letting her know that things might not go her way. And what is funny is that I am SUCH an optimistic person generally, so why was I such a naysayer in this case?
My answer was pretty simple. I didn’t want her to get her hopes up only to be let down if things didn’t go her way, so I was constantly preparing her for the worst. And, in that moment, it occurred to me that I often do this with my kids about all kinds of different things, and I’m sure many parents do the same.
Also, like me, I’m sure most parents don’t really give much thought to providing this realist perspective to assure that their kids won’t get their hopes up only to be let down. In the past, I may have even argued that it was to their benefit to prepare them.
However, in thinking of all of this, I realized that I don’t ever want to do this again! Life is going to teach my kids that they don’t always get what they want. They are going to have countless disappointments that are completely without their control, or mine, and they will learn time and time again that life doesn’t always work out the way they want it to, or maybe even the way they pray it will.
There will be times that they will doubt that their prayers will be answered, that their dreams will come true. They will learn that even with answered prayers, sometimes the answer is “not now,“ and they must wait. They will learn that disappointment and waiting are very real parts of life.
It is my job to be there for them when the struggles have actually come, not to make sure they know to anticipate these struggles ahead of time.
I have decided that, from now on, I only want to be positive and encouraging with my kids. They will learn on their own to doubt, as things often don’t work out, so they don’t need to learn it from me!
And when they learn these life lessons, I will be there to wipe their tears when they are sad, comfort them when they are disappointed, cry with them through heartache. However, I do NOT need to preemptively prepare them for upset, particularly upset that may never even occur.
I want to teach my kids to be optimistic – to let them know that they should believe, they should have faith, and they should pray for all of the desires of their hearts.
I want to share in their childlike faith while they still have it.
I want to get excited and encourage them to shoot for the stars, even if I know they aren’t likely to reach them. I want to remain positive while they are young and hopeful because I know it will be fleeting.
After all, what is wrong with expecting greatness, with expecting God to give you what you ask for? I cannot tell my kids to pray for things in their lives and then with the next breath tell them it probably won’t happen.
I want to stop doubting God and all that He can do. My daughter didn’t doubt. She told me many times of how she kept upping the stakes in her prayers, and she did not waver. She spoke confidently as she told me about her dream. And next time – next time I will do nothing but believe her and celebrate with her.
~ Jennifer ~
