Why I Want My Kids to Lose
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Back in the days before the constant availability of streaming any show or movie you could ever want, my family used to really enjoy watching our own home movies.
And there was one in particular that was my favorite – my kindergarten field day.
My dad attended with me and filmed nearly the whole thing. This allowed me to bask in my former glory for years to come – way after most of that athleticism had worn off.
I remember being proud to run home and show my mom the many ribbons I had won that day, though I was upset to mostly have blue and red ribbons. After all, I was a 6-year-old girl, so I was disappointed that I had never placed 5th to win a pink ribbon.
But alas, regardless of the color, I was proud to show off my achievements. My parents celebrated with me, and they continued to celebrate me in the years to come while we re-watched the action.
Obviously, I have already begun to date myself with what I have said thus far. After all, we are now in the era of participation trophies where everyone wins, so clearly the idea of competing and winning a ribbon at field day is a completely prehistoric notion.
So, what’s field day like now?
My children (grades 4 and 5) just had their field day. They played, they got wet, they had a great time.
But they didn’t win anything.
And they didn’t lose.
I guess this is where we are all supposed to breathe a collective sigh of relief, thankful that no child had to face the horrors of losing.
I can only assume that it is this fear of seeing a child lose that has slowly weeded out these friendly competitions over time.
We have all heard people proudly proclaim, “There are no winners or losers,” as if this is always a good thing. And when there is competition, we often hear, “Why does everything have to be about winning or losing?” or “Can’t they just play to have fun?”
But why is everyone trying to abolish competition?
Listen… I am not saying that EVERYTHING in life has to be a competition, but it does scare me when it begins to feel as though NOTHING is.
The kids have their typical P.E. class every week where they can just goof off and have fun, play without keeping score, and not take anything too seriously.
But field day is supposed to be the one day where the kids compete, either as individuals or as classes, and some kids are given the chance to shine.
Because guess what? The kids who are going to win on field day often may not be the kids who have been recognized for academic achievement all year. They maybe didn’t get to attend the honor roll assemblies or be recognized by their teachers or peers for other achievements.
So, what if this was going to be their ONE DAY to shine, and instead everyone goes home a winner?
Also, what message are we sending when everyone goes home a winner? I noticed large packs of “Field Day Participant” ribbons available on Amazon.
Why is anyone buying these?!
Do we really want to celebrate simply showing up? Do we want our kids to think that this is all that they should strive to do?
My aunt was telling me years ago about an employee she had to fire for very poor performance. She said that the girl was simply dumbfounded at being fired, saying, “But I come to work EVERY day!”
Apparently, she thought this was all that was needed to hold down her job – regardless of her actual performance.
Sounds like she must have been rewarded as a child for simply showing up…
For those who have grown accustomed to receiving awards for doing nothing, Amazon has you covered. What better way to celebrate our mediocrity than with these “adulting” ribbons and stickers? 😂
Scroll through to see my favorites, and click to see even more available on Amazon.
So, what about the kids who will lose when there is competition?
Obviously, competition has begun to die because people are worried about the poor kids who would ultimately come up last – maybe even time and time again – if field day (or whatever else) was to be a competition.
There are so many kids who would never win, so people assume that surely it must be good to protect their feelings and spare them from the pain of losing.
Some might even be assuming that my kids are the athletes who would have wiped the floor with all the other kids at field day, and I’m just complaining that they aren’t bringing home ribbons like I did.
NOPE!
I can guarantee you that neither of my kids would have won anything (at least not individually) if scores had been kept.
But I still wish that there had been a score because…
SOMETIMES I WANT MY KIDS TO LOSE!
Believe me, I am there to celebrate every success they ever have in life, so I don’t mean to be harsh. I attend the honor roll assemblies and praise them often for a job well done.
But I also want them to be prepared for the real world where you don’t always win. I want them to be gracious losers who will congratulate those who have defeated them. I want them to know that we all have different strengths and weaknesses and sometimes they won’t come out on top – and that’s okay!
It’s all about finding what you’re good at to ultimately determine what you want to do with your life. This takes trial and error, and it also takes wins and losses.
Plenty of kids will leave grade school behind and never throw another ball or participate in any form of athletics again, and that’s fine. They will have found other things that mean more to them – other pursuits they want to focus on – and it won’t matter that they didn’t win on field day.
But there are going to be kids out there who needed a win, and instead they weren’t given the opportunity. There are kids who live and breathe sports, kids who would outperform everyone else at field day, but we are now telling them that they aren’t worth celebrating on that day.
The bottom line…
We have to allow our kids to compete – to win, to lose, to succeed, to fail. It is ALL what shapes them into who they will be. I don’t want my kids growing up being pampered, having every battle fought for them, never having to face rejection or defeat. This will not prepare them for failures that will most definitely come.
I don’t want them to one day be the person who thinks showing up to work is all they need to do. I don’t want them to be complacent with mediocrity because it has been celebrated their whole lives. I want them to strive to be the best, to find their passion and shoot for the stars, even if this means some stumbles along the way.
No one wins at everything all the time, just as no one loses at everything all the time. Why not bring back a little friendly competition – whether it be in sports, academics, whatever – and allow our kids to see where they excel and where they don’t.
I believe kids are tougher than we give them credit for, and we don’t need to be protecting them from all upset in life.
I want my kids to have fun, I want them to get dirty, I want them to compete, and I want to celebrate every victory they ever have. But I also want my kids to lose – at least sometimes – because it’s only then that their victories will be so much sweeter.
~ Jennifer ~
